Living with Curls based on a Strong Inner Curl Mentor.
By Scott Musgrave:
Learning to care for your curls incorporates all of your senses. This means that what you do, say, feel and respond to is influencing those around you to continue in disfunction towards you or realize that straight hair thinking is like being a puppet and influenced by the ad’s and marketing to profit from people who want their hair to look like John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever (don’t touch my hair).
Inside the heart of a Curly Person resides what I call ‘The Inner Curl Mentor’ and this is something that only curly hair people can relate to as it has been shaped, influenced and conditioned by mis-informed people, as well as, those that have mis-treated you. Coaches, parents, family members, spouses, past girl/boy friends and even the Salon Industry have all contributed to minimizing the well being of who you are.
It doesn’t help that we walk around afraid of the wind, use products that fry or dry our hair out and realize that we do not respond well to a brush or comb like others do and their bewilderment of that fact causes them to look at you like you are from another planet.
The goal of our time together is to inform you well and treat you with the dignity you deserve.
We live in a mis-informed world that has a Straight Hair Mentality – which is strange really – as people with a wave, bend, curl, twist and kink DOMINATE the world we live in percentage wise…. some say 65% and I will go up to even 80% with some cultures being close to 100%.
This Curly Hair Mentality is where we will transition into by learning a few concepts that I have found to be of significance for us.
You have to realize that your own care, well being and dignity have to be considered and respected. If your desire to grow out and embrace your curls as something that you want to do – then do not think about asking others for their opinion. If you take on others opinions then when someone makes an idiotic comment about your hair – you will take it personal and change your mind from lack of confidence. Make your decision and wear your curls with confidence without asking others what they think. Many people with curls change their desires to wear their hair curly based on what people say to them and this reveals where ‘power’ resides with the attitude of the person. The broken-wounded-condemned-judgmental attitude of a person delivering the comment is trying to project their own distorted perception onto you. Once you agree with it – it becomes a part of YOU….which also means you can resist the comments either in your mind our out loud with, “I am sorry you feel that way as I find my curls to be AWESOME!” (or something like that) then I will throw them for a loop by saying “Go ahead and touch them” (I realize ya’ll may not want to do this to EVERYONE – but I do) and they touch them and say, “Oh they are really soft” and this opens the door to a different transaction between you and them or a story based on what has happened to them in the past. After this kind of transaction we can now point them to a New Direction on learning how THEY can have nice hair or for them to find care for their curls or for their friend or family member. My attitude of not caring about what their comments reveal about their perspective can shape them to reveal that their comments can be foolish.
And they are. So why do we let them rule the earth?
While you may not let anyone to touch your hair (and you have that right) you can look them in the eye and say, “I am sorry you feel that way” and move on or stay there looking them in the eye with a smile on your face. We do not have to be mean. And we don’t have to be goofy either. We just stand their in our dignity and confidence.
Your hair is your walking art and your art has to be defined to many people with how you respond to their critique at times. Not every time, but sometimes our maturity can expose their immaturity.
Art is subjective and open to interpretation based on the perspective of the viewer. And how we define ourselves is based on what is in our heart and that is expressed through our tongue. While I will not personally throw out cut downs, cussing or judgement on those who are immature, I do hold my ground based on who I am as a teacher and speaker (do you know your strengths and gifts?). So, when someone violates my dignity with comments or actions – I can speak into them with knowledge based on experience. This respectfully translates an archaic thought process has no bearing on who I am and I can define who I am with humor, facts and incorporate their senses through their touch (yours will be unique to you).
There is a lot of distorted perspectives out there and we do not have to take them personal and make us to hide in a cave or become sheltered or stone cold hearted as many do. This only throws wood on the fire for those making comments to continue on to other curly people.
It is time for us to not own distorted thinking or to permit immaturity into our heart and soul and to start to have self control in our curly hair world based on the fact that there are more curly hair people in the world who choose not to be dominated by the marketing that influences the sales of flat irons, relaxers and elixirs that communicate to the straight hair world that there is something that needs ‘fixin’ about us.
Learn more about The Inner Curl Mentor at Scott Musgrave Hair and read the MagiCurl blog that started it all.